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My Testamony
My name is Blake and as My Savior God's creator, I myself would be considered apart from the normal description of a Christian. I have been discussing Christian beliefs for over 10 years on BBS boards, chat rooms and Christian blogs. I can not tell you the countless times I have been told I am not saved or that I need Jesus because of the music I listen to, the movies I watch, or from the friends I keep. For a while I listened to those opinions of me and seemed to always be in a rut, depressed and down on myself because I continually beat myself up thinking I was failing God.
With that in mind I will go to the beginning of my testimony. Almost needless to say, before I knew that Jesus was calling me I was an absolute mess. My past is filled with being terrorized and causing terror to those closest to me. I was a thief, a drug addict, hurt a lot of people and did some horrific things. I was abused as a child to the point to where I couldn't even remember my past till I was much older because I had blocked them out. As a teen, I rebelled against the world and got into numerous fights and was more sexually active than I care to admit. I used everyone for my own personal gains. Through the teen years all the way up to my rebirth through Jesus I drank as much as I could, stole from cars and houses, and was a drug user and seller.
It is this day that I can say that the drugs provided a way out of facing the realities of my past and my past doings. However, during that time of my life, I had convinced myself that I had it all together and I was the ultimate man that any woman would want to have. Thus I have learned that if you tell yourself something over and over long enough, then you actually start to believe it. So I was at a point to where I didn't think I needed anybody. But deep inside, I knew who and what I was and knew about all the damage I had done to those who loved me. I had been divorced twice and in both cases it was because both of my exes slept around with other men. It was my nature to talk bad about them to everyone and to condemn them for hurting me.
So there I was delivering pagers (remember those?) in the Houston/Galveston area and one day while driving down to the coastal area I started searching the FM radio dial. At that time my music taste was mostly pop, rock, grunge and club. I normally do not even listen to radio and when I do, it is all preset stations. I couldn't find anything I liked so I decided to start at the beginning of the dial. Just a couple of stations up from the beginning I stopped on a station in Houston called KSBJ 89.3. I wasn't even sure what I was listening to at first. But it sounded good so I stopped to check out who the band was. Turns out that it was David and the Giants No One But You. At that point in time, that genre of music was unheard of as far as being a Christian brand of music. I thank God to this very day that I was unaware of the opinions of many so-called Christians who would have condemned me for listening to 'the devil music' and would have insisted that I was not called by God through that media. Theses were the words that turned my life around:
There was no light at the end of the tunnel
The loneliness of darkness was around
No happy ending to the story I was living
Held captive to the chains that had me Bound
In the midst of all the darkness
Came an everlasting Life
Suddenly your Love was all around
No one but you, could take me away
From where I was deep, to where I am today
Nobody else, Love me like you
The long lonely nights, you carried me through
And when I look back, there was nobody like You
Through all the years, of laughter and crying
You've been a friend beside me all the way
Lord you're so patient, with your power of forgiveness
Between your mercy and grace I will stay
And wherever life may lead me
I'm committed to my promise
To serve you and worship you forever
That did it. I had to pull off the road because I could not see through the tears in my eyes. I cried like I had never cried before. The radio station continued to play music by groups like DC Talk, Jars of Clay, Michael W Smith and Audio Adrenaline. I never realized that Christian music could be something I would actually enjoy. Anyway, I kept going on with my duties for that day but once I got home, I cleaned out everything that was damaging to me. Drugs, Alcohol, Weapons and Pornography. All without dreading a bit of it. There was no hesitation and a big weight lifted from me. So now I thank you Lord for using the music of those listed above and the many others to reach me with your Love. I shutter to think where I would be today without you.
For the past 10 years I have been going through a growing process facing my past and dealing with the consequences thereof. Accepting the responsibility has made me a brand new person and someone who I can say today that I am proud to be. I no longer condemn or blame my exes for their actions. I now realize that had I been there for them during the time we were married that they would not have needed to search out for love elsewhere. I now realize that my own thoughts guided my feelings and subsequent actions. With clear thinking, I now feel and react to situations completely different than I did back then. All of this because during this past 10 years I have not been alone. Jesus has carried me through this time and it is my faith in Him that has helped me prevail over every obstacle in my way. He has blessed me with the best of friends (see the article: The Pillow, and a family whose love has remained unconditional.
So now I remind myself that when I was new in Christ, I could have been easily swayed by the intellect and power of others. This is an irritable issue that I am still dealing with when I see others expect the new in Christ (or those who seek Christ) to be on the same intellectual and spiritual level as they are. When the new in Christ question them, they get defensive and rude. In the same manner they criticize the Christian Rock genre. I can only remind myself that there are those who have not been through the life experience as others and can not understand why they act and react they way that they do. All I can do as an individual is to spread the word that no matter what you have done or are currently doing, Jesus Loves you and wants you to come home. Although simplistic in words, what He wants from you is for you to talk with Him. So whether you are new in Christ or still have questions, know that you are not alone for He is always with you and that you will always be in my prayers. I pray that this testimony and that this site reach out to just one person and help them. Then I know that all of this will be done in His will.
Blake
Christian Rock Links
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